Haircut, Twickenham

Posted on by Patrick in Hairdressers, People, Shit London Photo, South | Leave a comment

Haircut, Twickenham

That’s one freakishly over-developed toddler getting a hair cut there. He barely fits in his little car!

A little car might take the edge of a trip to the hairdressers for me. I hate getting my hair cut, always have and always will. Not for any Withnail and I “Hair are your aerials, man” reasons….more that I hate being trapped helpless in a chair, whilst being fussed over with sharp implements and forced to stare at my own sorry reflection for an inordinate amount of time. I also hate that inevitably I’ll end up regarding my newly coiffeured barnet with a sinking feeling but as soon as I’m asked whether it looks okay by the hairdresser I’ll cheerfully lie and say “It’s perfect! Thank you” before handing over my money and, more often then not, leaving a tip. Then I walk into the street feeling strangely light headed, conspicuous and full of self loathing. I swear sometimes that hairdressers know they’re doing a bad job and in some cases actively push the boundaries for sheer entertainment. Maybe they run secret bets on which customers will make a fuss and which won’t. Once, in my teens, I was making a concerted effort to look as much like Liam Gallagher as I possible. This was a precise science that involved me aping his style right down to his simian walk. I went in clutching a photo cut out of the NME and showed them exactly what I wanted. Half an hour later and after some enthusiastic fringe trimming, I left not looking like Liam Gallagher but looking instead like Cadfael the crime solving monk. There was no way that the hairdresser hadn’t monked me on purpose….unless they were blind and I was fairly certain they weren’t.

Spotted by Stewart Sugg

Excuse me?, Wood Green

Posted on by Patrick in Misspelt, North, Shit London Photo | 7 Comments

Excuse me?, Wood Green

Speak this aloud and it sounds a little like Elvish, type it into google translate and discover that this bears no relation to any language…real or otherwise. This is a kind of free form improvised jazz approach to language and I for one like it.

Spotted by Kelly Docherty

Knobsy, Haringey

Posted on by Patrick in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Knobsy, Haringey

KNOBISM ART THEFT BANKSY MURAL ALERT!!!! Street artists have been drawn like stencil wielding moths to a big bricky flame by the media attention this Haringey wall has received recently. I’m pleased to see that aside from the usual wry comments on society or the earnest pieces on display here that someone has decided to be truly subversive by painting a big wang on the wall instead. I just wish this had been on the wall when all the news crews had been there.

Spotted ( just now!)  by Malcom Croft

Outrageous, Tesco

Posted on by Patrick in Bleak, Food, Shit London Photo, Shops | 6 Comments

Outrageous, Tesco

Whilst the country has collectively been losing their shit over the horse meat scandal this shockingly brazen product has somehow managed to slip under the radar. In the case of the horse meat the trail of blame for the questionably sourced fodder led all the way to Romania where horses outnumber people by about 1000 to 1…probably (either way they have enough unclaimed dobbins mooching about that they get afford to grind them up and sell them as cut price flesh gravel to the rest of Europe) In this case however it looks like the trail leads right out of the realm of reality and into Middle Earth itself. Has our insatiable lust for meat really led us to the point that we are now consuming fantasy creatures from much loved alternate universes? What the hell is next?! Am I going to buy what I think is Octopus only to later discover that I’m munching on grilled Sarlacc instead? Is that remarkably cheap meatball actually made from illegally sourced Hippogriff? And that kebab you had last night, guess what, pure unicorn that was.

It’s outrageous. I’m outraged.

Spotted by Patrick Dalton

Knobism, Tottenham Court Rd

Posted on by Patrick in Knobism, Shit London Photo, Shops, West End | Leave a comment

Knob, Tottenham Court Rd

This piece of knobism painstakingly rendered in the window display of Burtons Tottenham Court Road recalls Rodin’s “The Thinker” as the subject stares into his own ejaculate and considers the meaning of existence.

Spotted by Chris Maris