Strange Fruit, Walthamstow

Posted on by Patrick in East, Shit London Photo, Shops, Signs | Leave a comment

Strange Fruit, Walthamstow

I’m not sure what I like about this more, the rebranding of bananas (or they could be plantains) as “coilflowers” or their loose definition of the word fresh.

Spotted by Hannah Mcqueen

Proposal, Hammersmith

Posted on by Patrick in People, Shit London Photo, Weird, West | Leave a comment

Proposal, Hammersmith

Is there a more romantic way to propose to your loved one then this? What woman would fail to be charmed by having a large photo of themselves in their underwear posted on a billboard by a busy road in Hammersmith? To be fair Michelina does look pretty amazing so she’s probably quite at ease with this public exposure and in fact I’m beginning to suspect that this may be the work of Michelina herself. Notice the lack of question mark, this gives the billboard a whole new sentiment. What was once a straightforward billboard proposal now looks like a demand from Michelina that some guy called Will marry her. She going for a full on, shock and awe approach by not only featuring a lingerie shot but also three other shots showing her from different angles, just so Will is left in no doubt whatsoever as to what he’ll be marrying.

I like this Michelina, she has balls, figuratively speaking. Will is a lucky man.

Spotted by Daniel Cameron

Chicken Shop Note, Hoxton

Posted on by Patrick in East, Shit London Photo, Signs | Leave a comment

Note, Hoxton

It must be frustrating working in a chicken shop when some drunken smart arse bursts through the door and starts demanding paella instead of chicken poppas.

In the past I’ve been guilty myself of treating a branch of Chicken Cottage like some kind of personal episode of Beadle’s About when, in a moment of drunken exuberance, I enquired whether it would be possible to purchase a bag of beaks. The girl behind the counter humoured me and even called the manager who politely confirmed that they didn’t stock beaks and weren’t likely to start to anytime soon. At the time it seemed like a very droll thing to do, the epitome of wit for a Saturday night in Tooting but looking back and after watching the Channel 4 documentary on a Clapham chicken shop I realised that my actions were that of a drunken fool. Watching the footage of various drunk revellers attempting to buy food made me appreciate just how much rubbish the staff in these places have to put up with, so whilst on first appearance these notes come across a little passive aggressive I can definitely see where they’re coming from.

Spotted by Ruairi Dunne


Nice Gift, Paddington

Posted on by Patrick in Bleak, Shit London Photo, Shops, Signs, Weird, West | 2 Comments

Nice Gift, Paddington

Year in, year out it’s the same old problem….what to get Mum for Mother’s Day. Flowers are a given but do you make a card or just buy one? A homemade card surely shows more appreciation of everything your Mum has done for you, right? Turns out that this isn’t the no brainer it seems. One year my Mum seemed genuinely disappointed to get a shop bought card from me so the next year I made her one instead. She opened the envelope to reveal a homemade card bearing a coloured pencil drawing of daffodils or something equally innocuous and declared “What’s this…you couldn’t have bought me a card?” I was crestfallen and rightfully confused. This is a true story. I was seven.

This year I’m thinking that I might follow Boot’s the Chemist’s advice and present her with a sexual wellbeing gift basket of assorted condoms, lubricants and pleasure enhancers just to see what the hell she has to say about that.

Spotted by Bryon Chan

Wencock, Brick Lane

Posted on by Patrick in East, Knobism, Olympics, Shit London Photo | 2 Comments

Wencock, Brick Lane

Wenlock and Mandeville were the two much loved mascots of the London 2012 Olympics. Who can forget their priceless antics during last years summer of sport? Well, almost everyone in fact. That might boil down to an instinctive mistrust of cyclops that people have. Examples include that Cyclops off thingy….Jason and the Argonauts or Sinbad , Long John Silver (does that count?) and ….errr…Garbrielle ( I’m clutching at straws here ).

It seems that our natural mistrust may have good reason judging by the state of Wenlock these days. Maybe it’s because he’s had nothing to do since the Olympics, maybe he’s hit the bottle or is on some kind of cyclops drug we know nothing about, either way he has obviously become the kind of degenerate that has no place making special appearances in our schools or any massive international sporting events.

For shame Wenlock, how the mighty tumble.

Spotted by Andrew Huxter