Sign Malfunction, Turnham Green

Posted on by Patrick in Food, Restaurants, Shit London Photo, Signs, West | 4 Comments


If you owned a takeaway, and your sign began to disintegrate, in most areas of the city it wouldn’t be a major problem. People would still buy food from you confident in the fact that they wouldn’t come down with a case of food poisoning or discover an unordered rodent poop garnish on any dishes. Not so for the restauranteurs of Turnham Green who have to remain ever vigilant in case this unfortunate sign malfunction happens to them and destroys years of hard earned customer confidence. I could be completely wrong though, maybe the owners of this place are just really concerned about climate change.

Spotted by Daniel Robinson

Scary Doll, Highgate

Posted on by Patrick in Bleak, Found, Mannequins, Mysteries, North, Shit London Photo, Weird | Leave a comment


I’m not speaking from any position of authority here when I say this but I am almost certain that this doll is cursed in some way. If it doesn’t have an actual curse on it I think we can all at least agree that is probably evil. Why? Well look at its face for starters, that and the fact it was found hanging about Highgate Woods. “No, that’s just what dolls looked like in the olden days” you might say. Fair enough, they did, but that still doesn’t stop them from looking evil. And think about it, have you ever, ever seen a single old black and white photograph of a child looking happy? Hmmm? No, you haven’t. Each photo that you’ve seen of an olden times child they always are wearing a slightly haunted expression, as if they have seen horror you can’t possibly imagine. Why? These kids are terrified of their own toys, they haven’t slept in weeks, they are plagued with nightmarish visions of waking up in the night to find tiny, cold porcelain hands wrapped around their throats. You look into those eyes and you see a child full of fear, incomprehension and a longing for “Tickle me Elmo” to be invented.

Perhaps the most terrifying thing is that the doll appears to have written this poster itself!

Spotted by Liesal South

Supermarket, Balham

Posted on by Patrick in Shit London Photo, Shops, Signs, South | Leave a comment

Supermarket, Balham

Dogs are great, don’t get me wrong. They prove a trusty companion in life, they’ll eagerly keep fetching sticks as long as keep throwing them and are such devoted littles divs that even if you abandon then at a service station car park in Wales they’ll find their way back home again….probably…and won’t hold it against you. The thing that bothers me with dogs is that unlike say, goldfish, hamsters or cats is that when you acquire a dog you are not only getting a companion but also a rock solid guarantee that for at least ten years, at the minimum of twice a day you’ll be picking up warm dog poo with a plastic bag you’re just praying doesn’t have a hole in it, a fact that this branch of Sainsburys seems to recognise.

…and who needs that kind of commitment in their life?

The Thatcher Funeral – A Shit London Report

Posted on by Patrick in Articles, Uncategorized | 11 Comments


Thatcher1 copy

¬†Like usual I was running late ( the phrase “You’ll be late for your own funeral” could have been invented for me) but thankfully this wasn’t mine, this was the funeral of Margaret Thatcher a figure that, depending you listen to, either divided or saved this country. Rushing across Waterloo Bridge I could already see a large police presence and tons and tons of crowd barriers. Whether they were there just for the funeral or were put in place early for the Marathon wasn’t clear. What was clear was that the crowd barrier business looks like something worth getting into. They must make a fortune. Read more

Bargain?, Kingston

Posted on by Patrick in Bargain Alerts!!, Shit London Photo, South | 5 Comments

Bargain?, Kingston

What an astounding deal from the good people at Asda! You can buy two Dr Oetker pizzas for the price or…erm…two. Actually looking again that’s not much of deal really but that’s not important as I wouldn’t buy these. Why? Well who buys food made by a doctor anyway, especially one with such a sinister sounding name. Dr Oetker sounds like the name of someone who should be carrying out questionable experiments in reanimating corpses in a grim Bavarian castle somewhere not producing “ristorante style” frozen pizzas.

Spotted by Andi McLoew