Shit London Photo

Worst. Name. Ever.

Posted on by Patrick in Chicken, Food, Restaurants, Shit London Photo | Leave a comment


This might possibly be a contender for the very worst thing that my eyes have ever fallen upon…and I have seen a LOT of shit. Seriously, after I saw this I stumbled blindly into a Boots, cracked open two bottles of eye wash and doused my corneas in an attempt to clean off any the dirt that I felt this atrocious name might’ve left on them. After that I had to stare a picture of a lovely kitten for an hour just to try and reset my brain. Twenty-four hours on though and I still feel sullied. A mark of just how terrible this name is, is that it’s even provoked me out of my unofficial retirement as a connoisseur of crap. It awakened my force…and now I’m angry.

Who the hell came up with this as a concept?! Can you imagine that meeting? What ideas did they reject?!?!

“We know that people like chicken…but what else do they like?”


“Oh yeah, bants. Epic. You ledge”

Look at those guys in the window. They’re definitely indulging in some next level bants. Can you imagine the greasy fingered hilarity?

The word banter should be made illegal. It’s up there in annoyance levels with products bearing the slogan ‘Keep Calm and Carry On” or any of the myriad of variations available (the weirdest of which I’ve seen featured the baffling “Keep Calm and Alsatians”, which gave the impression they’d just stuck their hand in a hat and pulled out a random word). It would almost have been worth losing World War II not to have to suffer them.

Disturbingly, I discovered yesterday through alert Twitter followers that this place is not alone in being suffixed with “….and Banter” which suggests that this might be the beginning of some trend among bars and restaurants.

If that’s the case, may God help us all.

Heir we go, heir we go, heir we go – Tooting

Posted on by Patrick in Charity Shops, Mannequins, Shit London Photo, Shops, South, Weird | Leave a comment


Okay so this isn’t actually a photo of the new royal baby but I think you’ll agree that it’s a terrifyingly convincing representation of what is probably, maybe, perhaps happening somewhere in London right at this very moment. This Tooting charity shop has spared no expense in creating this stirring diorama guaranteed to squeeze a patriotic tear of joy from even the hardest, most cynical of subjects. Just look at the stunning attention to detail of the scene laid before you. The crib flanked by Union Jack flags looks just like The Mall when a foreign dignitary visits that needs impressing. To the bottom right you can already see a tiny handmaiden ready to devote her entire life in servitude to the new heir to the throne. The baby’s head rests on the Bayeux tapestry itself at the insistence of Kate who apparently personally demanded that the almost one thousand year old historical record be procured from the French as the new arrivals “blanky”. To top it off the new heir wears a stunning baby crown which is set to become the envy of every new mother in the country and their boring, normal, distastefully un-royal offspring.

Note as well the sign reading “Window display not for sale”. “Who could even afford to buy such a thing of beauty?” I hear you ask. Well, plenty apparently. A large group of people dressed exclusively in Union Jack emblazoned clothing made the short trip from Murray Mount in S.W.19 to haunt this charity shop determined to stay until the manager relinquishes the doll. They then plan to parade the doll around outside Kate’s hospital making the rest of the population look insane to international news crews and setting back British stereotypes to the Dick Van Dyke days. Once the circus at the hospital has died down the group then plan to wave the baby and the flags twenty four hours a day, seven days a week throughout the entire period of The Proms. After that their plan is to maintain a constant vigil outside of Kensington Palace until the baby turns sixteen and the Daily Mail produces a special “All Grown Up” souvenir pull out….or something.

Oral Pleasures – South Ken

Posted on by Patrick in Food, Shit London Photo, Signs, South, West | Leave a comment


There is absolutely no way on Earth that this isn’t intentional.

It just can’t be. Can it??

In fact it seems that this kind of innuendo is popular amongst purveyors of ice cream and some of them don’t even have to decency to bother with that, I mean just look at THIS PLACE!

Spotted by Hugo Russell

Ice Cream What Now? Willesden

Posted on by Patrick in Misspelt, Shit London Photo, Signs | 2 Comments


What happened here? Is this a new frozen treat fad I’ve yet to hear of or is it possible that someone is unfamiliar with the concept of an ice cream cone? Maybe this could just the result of whoever wrote the sign being given their instructions in a Lancashire accent?

Answers on a postcard please….

Spotted by Andy Clough

Route to Hell, Southwark

Posted on by Patrick in Shit London Photo, Signs, South, Transport | 2 Comments


Perhaps naively I always regarded the N29 as the bus to hell. This was based on nothing more than witnessing a succession of fights on there, seeing not one but two people manage to alight from the bus only to then fall under it wheels and get run over but mostly the clientele which often times resembled characters from a deleted scene from Jim Henson’s, The Dark Crystal.

It seems I was wrong though and that London has had its own dedicated bus service to the subterranean kingdom of Lucifer running for a while now. This must be down to Boris.

Spotted by Brendan Guyatt

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