Worst. Name. Ever.

Posted on by Patrick in Chicken, Food, Restaurants, Shit London Photo | Leave a comment


This might possibly be a contender for the very worst thing that my eyes have ever fallen upon…and I have seen a LOT of shit. Seriously, after I saw this I stumbled blindly into a Boots, cracked open two bottles of eye wash and doused my corneas in an attempt to clean off any the dirt that I felt this atrocious name might’ve left on them. After that I had to stare a picture of a lovely kitten for an hour just to try and reset my brain. Twenty-four hours on though and I still feel sullied. A mark of just how terrible this name is, is that it’s even provoked me out of my unofficial retirement as a connoisseur of crap. It awakened my force…and now I’m angry.

Who the hell came up with this as a concept?! Can you imagine that meeting? What ideas did they reject?!?!

“We know that people like chicken…but what else do they like?”


“Oh yeah, bants. Epic. You ledge”

Look at those guys in the window. They’re definitely indulging in some next level bants. Can you imagine the greasy fingered hilarity?

The word banter should be made illegal. It’s up there in annoyance levels with products bearing the slogan ‘Keep Calm and Carry On” or any of the myriad of variations available (the weirdest of which I’ve seen featured the baffling “Keep Calm and Alsatians”, which gave the impression they’d just stuck their hand in a hat and pulled out a random word). It would almost have been worth losing World War II not to have to suffer them.

Disturbingly, I discovered yesterday through alert Twitter followers that this place is not alone in being suffixed with “….and Banter” which suggests that this might be the beginning of some trend among bars and restaurants.

If that’s the case, may God help us all.

Minced What Now??, Finchley Road

Posted on by Patrick in North, Restaurants, Shit London Photo, Signs, Weird | 1 Comment


In the ongoing and seemingly endless game of oneupmanship between the epicureans of London there is always fierce competition to seek out stranger and more exclusively batshit gastronomical experiences. Some people will queue up for five hours outside a multi-storey car park somewhere to get the chance to eat at a pop-up restaurant that serves traditional American barbecue with a Micronesian twist. I’ve heard people talk about eating pulled pork from pigs that were raised in bouncy castles on a diet of conkers, gabba music and late night truffle hunting sessions. Sometimes it seems that the story, the experience and claiming to have eaten something no one else has are actually more important than the food itself. However, this Persian restaurant on Finchley Road may have just stumped them all though by becoming London’s first eatery offering baby meat because as yet there is no solid evidence to support the rumour that Harrods food hall have been stocking baby under the counter for years.

Spotted Kath Woolf

Sign Malfunction, Turnham Green

Posted on by Patrick in Food, Restaurants, Shit London Photo, Signs, West | 4 Comments


If you owned a takeaway, and your sign began to disintegrate, in most areas of the city it wouldn’t be a major problem. People would still buy food from you confident in the fact that they wouldn’t come down with a case of food poisoning or discover an unordered rodent poop garnish on any dishes. Not so for the restauranteurs of Turnham Green who have to remain ever vigilant in case this unfortunate sign malfunction happens to them and destroys years of hard earned customer confidence. I could be completely wrong though, maybe the owners of this place are just really concerned about climate change.

Spotted by Daniel Robinson

Little Blue Cafe, Clerkenwell

Posted on by Patrick in East, Restaurants, Shit London Photo | 2 Comments

Little Blue Cafe, Clerkenwell

What came first, the cafe or the little blue pill? I hope it was the cafe because giving your business a name that’s almost identical to a brand of erectile dysfunction medication is a questionable move unless your food has certain aphrodisiac qualities.

Spotted by Eleonora Matteazzi

Takeaway, Catford

Posted on by Patrick in Restaurants, Shit London Photo, South | Leave a comment

Takeaway, Catford

Shit Londoner Simon Gretton sent in this photo saying…

“I saw this on the way to PC world in Catford on the weekend, something quite funny about the massive presumptuousness of the owners of this place, but equally it could be very nice? Catford dichotomy…”

I like the phrase “Catford dichotomy”, it has a nice ring to it like “Bermuda triangle”

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