Wencock, Brick Lane

Posted on by Patrick in East, Knobism, Olympics, Shit London Photo | 2 Comments

Wencock, Brick Lane

Wenlock and Mandeville were the two much loved mascots of the London 2012 Olympics. Who can forget their priceless antics during last years summer of sport? Well, almost everyone in fact. That might boil down to an instinctive mistrust of cyclops that people have. Examples include that Cyclops off thingy….Jason and the Argonauts or Sinbad , Long John Silver (does that count?) and ….errr…Garbrielle ( I’m clutching at straws here ).

It seems that our natural mistrust may have good reason judging by the state of Wenlock these days. Maybe it’s because he’s had nothing to do since the Olympics, maybe he’s hit the bottle or is on some kind of cyclops drug we know nothing about, either way he has obviously become the kind of degenerate that has no place making special appearances in our schools or any massive international sporting events.

For shame Wenlock, how the mighty tumble.

Spotted by Andrew Huxter


Warning, Olympic Park

Posted on by Patrick in Bleak, East, Olympic Feed, Olympics, People, Shit London Photo, Signs, Weird | Leave a comment

Warning, Olympic Park

The Olympic park seemed like a magical bubble where all the nations on Earth competed side by side in a friendly and peaceful enviroment. An army of relentlessly cheery Games Makers made visitors from all over the planet feel welcome. People from different nations united under a banner of sport in a temporary utopia that had risen out of an industrial wasteland in Stratford.

However, just beneath the surface of all that serenity lay a dark truth, of an enslaved workforce living under the threat that anyone caught stepping out of line would be dealt with in the harshest of manners. All those Games Makers smiles and high fives don’t look so sincere now that the above evidence shows that they virtually had the muzzle of a rifle at their backs. Wonder how they got so many people to selflessly donate their time and effort for free? Easy, they held their families hostage in a huge containment facility hidden under the stadium. All that G4S security shambles was merely a clever ruse to bring large amounts of military personnel onto the site without raising suspicion.

Those sharpshooters sitting atop the Westfield centre? The surface to air missiles on top of blocks of flats? They were to keep people in. 

Wonder why the Olympic closing ceremony was so rubbish compared to the opening ceremony? Easy, the families of the Games Makers were forced to create the entire show in a cost cutting exercise. From the first concept to right down to set construction they slaved on it. That’s why the whole set was built from newspaper and the choreography was so shoddy. It’s a fact that you cannot produce a successful, large scale public event using extremely limited, largely salvaged resources ( The Spice Girls) and a workforce under duress.

Wonder why those Games Makers were all corralled on The Mall together during the final parade? Easy, LOCOG wanted to intimidate them all with one final show of military might in the form of several flypasts to ensure their ongoing silence. The reason they all looked so deliriously happy on TV was that they were all imminently to be reunited with their families after a long and frankly terrifying ordeal.

Let’s us all just take a moment to thank these brave individuals, their families and give a moments thought to those who didn’t survive this cruellest of summers.

To the Games Makers….We Will Never Forget.


Olympic Closing Cermony – Live Blog!!

Posted on by Patrick in Olympics | 4 Comments

Live blogging through the closing ceremony with the help of some gin…..

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Posted on by Patrick in East, Olympics, Shit London Photo, Shops, Signs | 1 Comment

Ring Fail, Bethnal Green

This is a tenuous cash-in from this off licence. Olympic wine? Olympic beer? And then they go on to invert the Olympic rings. Ahhhh, perhaps in fact this is actually very clever. Just like satanists use an inverted cross as a symbol to represent their evil, perhaps these inverted rings act as a beacon to those who dwell right on the opposite end of the spectrum of the Olympic ideal. I’m talking about the high street swigfaces, the Super Kestral crowd or the legless Oscar Pissedtorius’ of Bethnal Green.

Posted on by Patrick in East, Olympics, People, Shit London Photo, Signs | Leave a comment

New Sport, Olympic Park

Is this a new sport that I missed out on watching? Synchronised parenting? Sounds fun.

Spotted by Carrie Fitzgerald