Minced What Now??, Finchley Road

Posted on by Patrick in North, Restaurants, Shit London Photo, Signs, Weird | 1 Comment


In the ongoing and seemingly endless game of oneupmanship between the epicureans of London there is always fierce competition to seek out stranger and more exclusively batshit gastronomical experiences. Some people will queue up for five hours outside a multi-storey car park somewhere to get the chance to eat at a pop-up restaurant that serves traditional American barbecue with a Micronesian twist. I’ve heard people talk about eating pulled pork from pigs that were raised in bouncy castles on a diet of conkers, gabba music and late night truffle hunting sessions. Sometimes it seems that the story, the experience and claiming to have eaten something no one else has are actually more important than the food itself. However, this Persian restaurant on Finchley Road may have just stumped them all though by becoming London’s first eatery offering baby meat because as yet there is no solid evidence to support the rumour that Harrods food hall have been stocking baby under the counter for years.

Spotted Kath Woolf

Scary Doll, Highgate

Posted on by Patrick in Bleak, Found, Mannequins, Mysteries, North, Shit London Photo, Weird | Leave a comment


I’m not speaking from any position of authority here when I say this but I am almost certain that this doll is cursed in some way. If it doesn’t have an actual curse on it I think we can all at least agree that is probably evil. Why? Well look at its face for starters, that and the fact it was found hanging about Highgate Woods. “No, that’s just what dolls looked like in the olden days” you might say. Fair enough, they did, but that still doesn’t stop them from looking evil. And think about it, have you ever, ever seen a single old black and white photograph of a child looking happy? Hmmm? No, you haven’t. Each photo that you’ve seen of an olden times child they always are wearing a slightly haunted expression, as if they have seen horror you can’t possibly imagine. Why? These kids are terrified of their own toys, they haven’t slept in weeks, they are plagued with nightmarish visions of waking up in the night to find tiny, cold porcelain hands wrapped around their throats. You look into those eyes and you see a child full of fear, incomprehension and a longing for “Tickle me Elmo” to be invented.

Perhaps the most terrifying thing is that the doll appears to have written this poster itself!

Spotted by Liesal South

Incentive, Camden

Posted on by Patrick in Nightlife, North, Pubs, Shit London Photo, Signs | Leave a comment

Incentive, Camden

We don’t have a culture of tipping in London bars. It’s just not the done thing. Not because we are a tight fisted people more because drinks are already ludicrously expensive in most places and because, unlike other countries, being a barman isn’t seen as a legitimate vocation here, more of a stop gap on the way to something else. This is shame as other countries can do it so well. In the U.S  the barman takes your drinking very seriously as you tip him after each drink. He’ll make sure your drink is refreshed before you even ask him to, he’ll give you some bar snacks and after you’ve had a few drinks he’ll give you a couple of free ones. There are no such things as measures either.

Here every single last drop of booze is strictly measured to make sure that you don’t have accidentally enjoy even one tiny drop, one wayward bit of booze vapour more than you’ve paid for. Bar staff will sell you a drink only to bark  less than 20 seconds later “Ladies and gentleman can you finish up your drinks PUH-leese” and threaten to take it off you unless they see you gulping it down in the manner of someone who has just emerged from a terrifying, thirsty ordeal in the Sahara desert.

Maybe if drink prices were lowered just a smidgen and bar staff  became a little more attentive then we could start a culture of tipping here. It’d take a while to get used to at first but as the smoking ban proved seasoned drinkers are a versatile bunch who can adapt to change easily. Incentives like the one displayed above could only help things along.

Spotted by Tom Cullen

One Stop Shop, Stamford Hill

Posted on by Patrick in North, Shit London Photo, Shops | Leave a comment

One Stop Shop, Stamford Hill

I’ve lost count of the amount of time I’ve wasted walking from one shop to another, buying meat, groceries, transferring money, getting an online degree, receiving some consultation and having a dental check up like some kind of CHUMP, when I could have been going here all along.

This is the future. Prostrate yourself before it and weep at its glory.

Spotted by Tom Uprichard

Spacey, Seven Sisters Rd

Posted on by Patrick in Graffiti, Knobism, North, People, Shit London Photo | Leave a comment

Spacey, Seven Sisters Rd

We’ve all woken up at some point in our life with a knob drawn on our head after a night on the sauce. In pre-internet days these kind of incidents usually stayed amongst a small group of friends but with the advent of social media increasingly peoples shame is broadcast for the whole world to see. It’s must be even more embarrassing if you are major Hollywood star and this happens to you. Here we have evidence of Kevin Spacey out on a drunken rampage around Seven Sisters Road where he not only has a classic “cock n’ balls” emblazoned across his forehead but also seems to make the admission that his balls are bigger than his “peeny.” The usually eloquent Mr Spacey also throws all the rules of grammar out of the window in his admission, another sign that he is hog whimperlingly swigfaced.

Spotted by Ariel King

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