Worst. Name. Ever.

Posted on by Patrick in Chicken, Food, Restaurants, Shit London Photo | Leave a comment


This might possibly be a contender for the very worst thing that my eyes have ever fallen upon…and I have seen a LOT of shit. Seriously, after I saw this I stumbled blindly into a Boots, cracked open two bottles of eye wash and doused my corneas in an attempt to clean off any the dirt that I felt this atrocious name might’ve left on them. After that I had to stare a picture of a lovely kitten for an hour just to try and reset my brain. Twenty-four hours on though and I still feel sullied. A mark of just how terrible this name is, is that it’s even provoked me out of my unofficial retirement as a connoisseur of crap. It awakened my force…and now I’m angry.

Who the hell came up with this as a concept?! Can you imagine that meeting? What ideas did they reject?!?!

“We know that people like chicken…but what else do they like?”


“Oh yeah, bants. Epic. You ledge”

Look at those guys in the window. They’re definitely indulging in some next level bants. Can you imagine the greasy fingered hilarity?

The word banter should be made illegal. It’s up there in annoyance levels with products bearing the slogan ‘Keep Calm and Carry On” or any of the myriad of variations available (the weirdest of which I’ve seen featured the baffling “Keep Calm and Alsatians”, which gave the impression they’d just stuck their hand in a hat and pulled out a random word). It would almost have been worth losing World War II not to have to suffer them.

Disturbingly, I discovered yesterday through alert Twitter followers that this place is not alone in being suffixed with “….and Banter” which suggests that this might be the beginning of some trend among bars and restaurants.

If that’s the case, may God help us all.

Oral Pleasures – South Ken

Posted on by Patrick in Food, Shit London Photo, Signs, South, West | Leave a comment


There is absolutely no way on Earth that this isn’t intentional.

It just can’t be. Can it??

In fact it seems that this kind of innuendo is popular amongst purveyors of ice cream and some of them don’t even have to decency to bother with that, I mean just look at THIS PLACE!

Spotted by Hugo Russell

Sign Malfunction, Turnham Green

Posted on by Patrick in Food, Restaurants, Shit London Photo, Signs, West | 4 Comments


If you owned a takeaway, and your sign began to disintegrate, in most areas of the city it wouldn’t be a major problem. People would still buy food from you confident in the fact that they wouldn’t come down with a case of food poisoning or discover an unordered rodent poop garnish on any dishes. Not so for the restauranteurs of Turnham Green who have to remain ever vigilant in case this unfortunate sign malfunction happens to them and destroys years of hard earned customer confidence. I could be completely wrong though, maybe the owners of this place are just really concerned about climate change.

Spotted by Daniel Robinson

Rebrand, Warren Street

Posted on by Patrick in Food, Shit London Photo, Shops, West End | Leave a comment

Re-brand, Warren Street

Shit Londoner James Davies sent in this photo suggesting that this is evidence that the design team at Snapple have lost the will to live but I think it might be a clumsy effort on their part to rebrand themselves as a more small producer, organic, homemade kind of brand. The kind of thing that you might pick up at a farmers market and are drawn to simply because the label is written in biro which somehow conjures images of an earnest looking farmer and his smiling family carrying fruit laden baskets to an old wooden barn to be pressed into fresh fruit punch with their feet….or something.


Outrageous, Tesco

Posted on by Patrick in Bleak, Food, Shit London Photo, Shops | 6 Comments

Outrageous, Tesco

Whilst the country has collectively been losing their shit over the horse meat scandal this shockingly brazen product has somehow managed to slip under the radar. In the case of the horse meat the trail of blame for the questionably sourced fodder led all the way to Romania where horses outnumber people by about 1000 to 1…probably (either way they have enough unclaimed dobbins mooching about that they get afford to grind them up and sell them as cut price flesh gravel to the rest of Europe) In this case however it looks like the trail leads right out of the realm of reality and into Middle Earth itself. Has our insatiable lust for meat really led us to the point that we are now consuming fantasy creatures from much loved alternate universes? What the hell is next?! Am I going to buy what I think is Octopus only to later discover that I’m munching on grilled Sarlacc instead? Is that remarkably cheap meatball actually made from illegally sourced Hippogriff? And that kebab you had last night, guess what, pure unicorn that was.

It’s outrageous. I’m outraged.

Spotted by Patrick Dalton