Worst. Name. Ever.

Posted on by Patrick in Chicken, Food, Restaurants, Shit London Photo | Leave a comment


This might possibly be a contender for the very worst thing that my eyes have ever fallen upon…and I have seen a LOT of shit. Seriously, after I saw this I stumbled blindly into a Boots, cracked open two bottles of eye wash and doused my corneas in an attempt to clean off any the dirt that I felt this atrocious name might’ve left on them. After that I had to stare a picture of a lovely kitten for an hour just to try and reset my brain. Twenty-four hours on though and I still feel sullied. A mark of just how terrible this name is, is that it’s even provoked me out of my unofficial retirement as a connoisseur of crap. It awakened my force…and now I’m angry.

Who the hell came up with this as a concept?! Can you imagine that meeting? What ideas did they reject?!?!

“We know that people like chicken…but what else do they like?”


“Oh yeah, bants. Epic. You ledge”

Look at those guys in the window. They’re definitely indulging in some next level bants. Can you imagine the greasy fingered hilarity?

The word banter should be made illegal. It’s up there in annoyance levels with products bearing the slogan ‘Keep Calm and Carry On” or any of the myriad of variations available (the weirdest of which I’ve seen featured the baffling “Keep Calm and Alsatians”, which gave the impression they’d just stuck their hand in a hat and pulled out a random word). It would almost have been worth losing World War II not to have to suffer them.

Disturbingly, I discovered yesterday through alert Twitter followers that this place is not alone in being suffixed with “….and Banter” which suggests that this might be the beginning of some trend among bars and restaurants.

If that’s the case, may God help us all.

Posted on by Patrick in Bleak, Chicken, Found, Mysteries, North, Shit London Photo, Weird, West | Leave a comment

The Chicken, Kensal Rise

Shit Londoner Andy Butler sent in this disturbing post pub imagery. Are there black magic rituals afoot in Kensal Rise?

“On the way back from the pub one evening in Kensal Rise, my friends and I spotted this rather delightful urban/pastoral tableau on the a headless chicken on the pavement, next to the box containing it’s head and last bowel movement. There’s a Chicken Cottage round the corner. Probably unrelated but…”

The Head, Kensal Rise


Carnival 2011 – The party London needed.

Posted on by Patrick in Articles, Chicken, People, Shit London Photo, Toilets, Uncategorized, West | 10 Comments

There was much speculation before this years Carnival. Should it be allowed to go ahead? If it does go ahead will West London end up burning? Which paper will first feature a picture of a Met policeman dancing awkwardly with a sequinned dancer in hotpants? If London ever needed a party surely it was now?

All theses questions were running through my mind as I stepped off the train  at Westbourne Park and found….

Westbourne Park Station – Quiet Read more

Posted on by Patrick in Bleak, Chicken, Food, North, Restaurants | Leave a comment

Tempting Offer, Stroud Green Road

I’m not sure whether it’s the suspiciously low price for this battered chicken steak that puts me off or whether it’s the poster that has cracked under the strain of absorbing air borne grease for the past 15 years. Perhaps it’s because the serving instruction looks like it suggests that the best way to serve this dish is merely to slide it onto a paper knapkin. Either way, I think I’ll get my salmonella poisoning from somewhere else thank you very much.

Spotted by Jennifer Riley

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Nation-state Chicken, Camden

I’m used to Chicken shops emulating KFC by using other improbable American states in their names like “North Dakota Fried Chicken” . I’m even used to them making up names that sort of sound like states eg – Kensy Fried Chicken. This one however is a whole new barrel of batshit crazy. I’d really like to sit in on a meeting when names like this are decided. Perhaps at the place where they buy the friers and other chicken paraphernalia a lunatic lives in a cupboard dispensing new chicken shop names. I want to meet him.